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I want to connect

**can anyone tell me how to get rid of double spacing??thanks**

Connection, connection where can you be?
I'm trying hard to find you, but you're avoiding me
I know if I find you I'll feel all the love
It's right down this Path filled with fire and dove
Change your thinking, act right, clean up your house
But connection my friend remains as quiet as a mouse
I feel it, it's there living deep down inside
But no, clear your space or forever I'll hide
Try again, feel the pain, it hurts-I'm afraid!
There's a big scary monster that my mind, it has made
Face your fear, do what's right
I swear I'm trying with all of my might
Come soon, I can feel you, please I beseech
But Connection you allude me, just out of reach

Use [shift][return] keys to enter a single line space.

Great poem. Keep it up!
Also, do you use the TOSAS system for connection practice? You smoke weed right? Try smoking cannabis in quiet in private safe space and use the cards to guide the connection. Try with Joyful first, perhaps. Set your intent (visualize a halo around your head, say "I wish to connect"),  sit down and look at the card. be "open" to the energies and thoughts that come. See if that helps with the fear.

What kind of fear you talking about?

-- All you need is love...

Thanks. I haven't used the cards in a while but I have them out now.

After 14 years of smoking pot pretty regularly, I gave it up 2 1/2 months ago.  Had to....it was all I did all day long while in quarantine. I'm going to have to connect without it.

As for the fears...well i always have that anxiety/fear feeling going on, since i was a kid.  I have been getting bombarded with things that make me feel guilty and ashamed.  I know I'm past those behaviors for the most part (we all have bad days) but I still worry about that.

But the thing that I think I'm afraid of the most is security in daily life.  I've been lucky enough to always have a roof over my head and food on the table.  But what's going to happen with the world changes?  Like childbirth, I'm afraid of the pain, anxiety etc  that are going to come with those changes.  It's also this same fear that has prevented me from being completely separated and divorced from my husband.  I need a roof, food and health insurance to be somewhat calm and functioning. It's better now that we're not living together, but I'm afraid that it will all be taken away. As a side note, I just mentioned this to him the other day, as he used to threaten me in the past.  His response was that he has changed now and he wouldn't do that to the mother of his kids.  That at least is making me calmer.

So basically it's a fear of not having basic survival needs met.  Is that dumb?

And if I'm being honest, as I lie here at 2 am not being able to sleep, I'm afraid of what people are going to think of me. I'm a people pleaser. If I connect and wake up a bit more it's going to cause conflict in my life when I'm compelled to open my mouth and speak out.  I don't think I'm just afraid, I'm TERRIFIED of that.  I usually let people walk all over me and don't open my mouth. I just take it.  I also avoid situations so I don't have to deal with this problem. This is hard to say out loud but the truth.   How will I be able to handle judgement and persecution when right now all I do is avoid that at all costs.

And yet, I feel compelled to move forward.  It's like a bad game of tug of war.

Hi Liz,

Fear is such a peculiar thing. It is supposed to help us. But in our societies, it's certainly doing us no favor. I don't think that the fear of not having basic needs met is "dumb". I don't know your circumstances, so I won't be suggesting anything here. However, I'm sure you noticed, but I'd like to stress that TV, teachers, our parents, society in general really try to make us feel permanently unsafe. Certain fears are valid. Most of the others are not. Valid in a sense that what is being feared is a real, possible outcome. One that is actually a relevant issue in life, one that is not hopelessly exaggerated.

How is that fear being sown? Well, by a variety of means. A relatively subtle way how it's done is that advertisements promote security. For instance, 100% of the deodorant advertisements I see around, focus on "security and safety" as the main catchphrase. How exactly does that thing provide security or even safety? An extraterrestrial, looking at that advertisement, would probably conclude it's some kind of special hand grenade, with which you can protect yourself from some harm in an utterly hostile world.

After reading such advertisements again and again and again, given sufficient repetitions, the brain connects the dots, and it will learn that sweating is in some sense "bad" and that you ought to feel unsafe whenever you did not use deodorant. It's seriously perverse.

In many advertisements, fear and insecurity are sown, by promoting the opposite thing. Use this product, and you can finally feel safe and secure. Get that insurance, and then you can finally rest assured. Such phrases suggest to us that the standard status of our existence is insecurity. They suggest to us that they are here to help our pitty lives. And it works. After a while, we start to buy these ideologies. We start to really think that the world is hostile and hard and harsh and horrible.
So we brace ourselves. For what we expect to come is hostile and hard and harsh and horrible. (h4!) > hohahaho!
And our expectations start to create reality, for expectation is the steering wheel of creation. In some way literally, by way of our behavior, And in another way by means of interpretation; by seeing reality in the light of fear.
-> seeing reality in the light of fear fashions reality for us
-> behavior based on those interpretations fashions reality for others

Hohahaho (HOstile, HArsh, HArd, HOrrible) ideologies all attack the root chakra. Actually, they attack the entire system of the PU, and put it into survival mode.

So my point is: make it very clear to yourself whether the fears you have are grounded or not. Attempt to identify the exact source of any fear, and if possible when and how it has been sown into your mind and heart. If you want, make a list of it. And write down how and why each of them arose. This will not magically erase the fears, but I think it's very good to know. Because when the moment arises, when you will walk through your fear, then knowing that something is ungrounded can be very helpful. This is especially true if you know that certain fears have been put into your mind against your will. (harness that rage 😉 hehe. Btw, I think that anger can be quite a valuable asset when reclaiming what has been taken from us.) Some NLP could be helpful for you perhaps. The good part of that is that you can utilize it on yourself, without external assistance.

Just a soft reminder: The standard status of our existence is peace, a feeling of power/self-esteem, and self-sufficiency. Fear is something that only comes in extreme situations. Certainly not on a daily basis.

Concerning your second post. Well, as soon as that CQ rises, you're probably going to not give so much a **** about people's opinion of you, especially those with whom you are not emotionally involved. With those you are emotionally involved, there are actual problems (this, in my humble opinion, would be a "valid" fear, while the fear of what people, in general, will think about you is not a "valid" fear. Who knows, perhaps some people will be inspired and will like to get to know you better and share ideas and information.)

Quote from Liz on August 1, 2020, 12:49 pm

So basically it's a fear of not having basic survival needs met.  Is that dumb?

Not dumb at all. This is a common fear for too many people around the world.

It's not going to be like this when the world changes. I expect that once Capitalism is gone, everybody on the planet will be given a living wage. This will probably be coupled with some sort of technology to organize necessary labour (for food production, etc.), but the basic fear of survival will be removed. This will be a good thing because this fear, like all fears, make it difficult to initiate and maintain connection.

It's gonna happen. As I wrote here, https://www.michaelsharp.org/capitalism-is-dead/, capitalism is already dead. We're witnessing its last violent gasp for survival. It will all be over soon, though.

 

 

-- All you need is love...

And if I'm being honest, as I lie here at 2 am not being able to sleep, I'm afraid of what people are going to think of me. I'm a people pleaser. If I connect and wake up a bit more it's going to cause conflict in my life when I'm compelled to open my mouth and speak out. I don't think I'm just afraid, I'm TERRIFIED of that. I usually let people walk all over me and don't open my mouth. I just take it. I also avoid situations so I don't have to deal with this problem. This is hard to say out loud but the truth. How will I be able to handle judgement and persecution when right now all I do is avoid that at all costs.

And yet, I feel compelled to move forward. It's like a bad game of tug of war.

Hi Liz

Gina here, I am going to respond to this post you shared in relation to what
I do for a living i.e. domestic abuse counsellor and co researcher with Michael at LP.

First, I think being open and honest and seeing things for what they are, would make anyone want to stay up at nights :). Our healing journey is not met with sunshine, rainbows, and awesome connection experiences. In fact, I would argue, waking up to our own truths and connection, is more fraught with fear, anxiety, and trepidation because seeing our selves, our lives, those around us, those whom we think we can trust and love, can actually be disheartening. Because learning the truth hurts.

My question to you, is what would you need to do in order to move backwards? That is, are you okay with just coasting and getting by, not having your actual needs met, not having authentic experiences or relationships? Not feeling safe and secure? Now I don't pretend to know that what these connected experiences are, I just know that knowing more, healing more, working our assess off more, only makes those of us who are striving for some kind of authentic lived experience, is not so easy - but unknowing or being stuck is not the answer either. In fact, I would argue it is our higher power needs that makes us push through learning and growing in order for us to be who we are meant to be i.e. fully functioning and connected beings.

I too struggle lots with my thoughts and feelings. I too have issues with sleep. I too struggle with self medicating ways of coping; I too am afraid to hold those who have hurt, wronged me, manipulated me. But my advice to you is to explore when you are safe and grounded and ask yourself what is it that would make you stop from growing more? What fears are being evoked? What would it look like if you were to challenge those who have harmed or continue to harm you? If these questions make you retreat, then do what you have done and reach out to Michael, others, and I on these forums. We are all here to support you and be able to provide you within our limits what it is you are needing.

I am fascinated and inspired by you and others who have been growing with Michael and I on the LP. We all bring our gifts and talents and experiences in order to be able to create a system, a culture, a way of being and knowing that is truly inclusive, supportive, and non violent. Your honesty and transparency is part of the healing that we are all working through.

I hope and think I get what you are saying here. Personally I hate conflict period. But I hate it when I am silent or complicit too. My point is that I think the more we learn, the more we are truly supported, the more that we find common/universal truths that are not rooted in justifying inequality, oppression and repression of ourselves and others, the more we ALL can heal.

Despite all the shit going on around us, we have to be able to see that WE - the collective WE, are more powerful than those who claim to be more powerful or knowledgeable. It is they who are afraid of our truths and our need to demand a life of truth. It is they who are conflicted when we challenge those who hurt us, who justify their pain against us as being something good or part of the normal way of learning.

I teach many of my clients to use qualifying statements when trying to advocate for themselves e.g. "I need you to listen to me, and if what I say makes you feel uncomfortable, angry, or resistant, you need to let me know, as this is not my intention. I just need you to hear what I am feeling and experiencing, so I can understand what pain and hurt you too are going through so we both/all can heal." Sounds wishy washy, but I have learned when being able to prepare the "other" for our truths, and allowing the "other" to be okay with their guttural instinctual reactions, allows us to shut conversations down before they get too toxic.

Let me know if this helps, or if I am completely out in left field.

G

Hi Aim

Thank you for taking time to respond!  I'm still reading and re-reading what you wrote. I will tell you that I have been aware of advertisements and how they are used to try and control us...if control is even the right word here.   I've been tuning ads out for years and taught my kids to do the same and why they are used.  There's one ad in particular I can think of that even to this day when it comes on I feel the fear.  I always say to it "stop trying to scare us!"

Unfortunately for me, I always have this underlying feeling of fear/anxiety/dread/somethings coming.  Literally since I can remember and I'm 50 years old.   My brain understands that I don't need to feel this way but my body doesn't cooperate.   I will keep trying....I've had many, many setbacks but I always keep going even if it's slowly.

Hope you are well!

Hi Michael

I can't freakin wait!  and thank you for adding the Basic Neurolinguistic Tools to the links at the top of the page.  Already started using them and was explaining it to my 16 year old daughter who was sitting next to me when i read them.  She happened to ask right at that moment if i can "do that boundary thing" lol...so I told her yes and showed her.

Liz

Hi Gina

Thank you for your response.  I'm not sure how to quote you but I'm going to answer your questions.  And I do think you get what I'm saying and no you're not out in left field. 🙂

I believe moving backwards would be me doing absolutely nothing...taking the proverbial "blue pill" I do NOT want to move backwards and I'm NOT okay with just coasting and getting by without my needs met.  Out of the 7 needs, not one of them has ever been fully met though so I don't know what it feels like.

I know I have work to do. I am lazy, and I don't say that to put myself down, it's just an honest fact. But...when I put my mind to something I know I can do it and do it well.

Like most of us, I have no remembrance of what it is like to be fully functioning and connected. I feel that if I had just a glimpse or a taste for a minute that would be beneficial..like a jumpstart. I would have a KNOWING and I would want more and NOW! I don't even know how I know this is true but I just feel it inside.

I do have a real issue speaking out. I can remember specific examples from childhood that have contributed. Mostly my parents -- "children should be seen and not heard,   don't ask questions blah blah" and that one teacher who made fun of me in front of the class for mispronouncing a word.

Any kind of conflict in the past, which was really me being triggered mostly by my parents resulted in me screaming like a lunatic and needing a week to recover emotionally.  I am getting better at that as I don't usually scream like that anymore but i do avoid those situations.  With my parents it's really just a superficial, cordial relationship on bdays and holidays.  They're around 80, as catholic as they come and super, right to life conservatives politically.  I think their heads would explode if their blindfolds came off so I just don't bother with them much.

My biggest issue is with my ex husband and technically on paper we're still married, but he moved out a year and half ago.  Michael's advice was to go no contact but I'm finding that difficult at the moment.  He made my life hell for 2 and half years before moving out and the only reason I'm here now typing is because I don't have to see him on a daily basis anymore.  The toxicity is finally lifting but not gone.  I have specific issues with him, I guess i should discuss them here, one just happened earlier today.  and now I'm having a drink...i was doing so good not drinking too.

I definitely still need help. I want to do my part to help others but i need to be ready first.

Liz

 

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