You can’t heal what you never reveal. Jay Z.
- Read chapter “L” is for Lying in LP Workbook Two.
- If you are going to heal and connect, you must accurately assess your life situation and your condition. To do that, you have to be able to listen to guidance and you have to be honest with yourself and others about the realities of your life. If you are not honest about your realities, you can’t see what needs to be healed, and you will not understand why you are being disconnected.
- Unfortunately, we all have a tendency to dishonesty. We all have a tendency to lie about our realities, to deflect criticism, to blame others, and to avoid confronting the truth. As one author says, we’re all in denial about something.
- There are many ways lie to ourselves. Two of the more prevalentand pernicious ways we lie include the “It’s not so bad” lie and the “I’m a big successs” lie.
- We tell ourselves the “It’s not so bad” lie. In other words, we minimize the destructive impact of toxic thoughts and actions, ours and others. We tell ourselves, “It’s not that bad,” even when it really is. Running, for example, is a healthy activity and it is easy to argue that there is nothing wrong with it, even when your attachment to it impacts your family and children in a negative way. A few beers a day is “not so bad.” Spanking children is “not so bad.” Fighting in our relationship is “not that bad.” My life is “not so bad.” The “it’s not so bad” lie allows us to avoid awareness of the impact of toxicity and illness, and deflect criticism. and guidance. To reinforce the “it’s not so bad” lie, we compare ourselves to somebody worse off, to prove to ourselves and others how good we are. Our behaviours might be bad, we might hit our kids, we might shame our partner, we might engage in toxic behaviours, but we are not as bad as some other person, and so we can’t bo that bad after all.
- We use our employment and financial success as indicators. We use our material success to lie, deflect, avoid, and blame. We tell ourselves and others that we are rich and powerful and therefore we must be doing something right. I’m OK because I have financial success. I’m OK because I can still function. I’m OK because I go to work everyday. I’m OK because I have lots of friends.
- Understand, the only indicator of mental health and connection are mental health and connection. If you are not mentally healthy and if you are not fully connected, then you’ve still got work to do. And note, as any schizophrenic can attest, you don’t have to be mentally healthy to achieve a full connection. Schizophrenic attain connection despite a shattered ego and psyche. Don’t fool yourself. You need connection and mental health.