This lesson is excerpted from <a href=”https://press.lightningpath.org/product/the-lightning-path-book-two-healing/”>Lightning Path Workbook Two: The Healing</a>.
In the last unit, we looked at the issue of help. There we emphasized that sometimes it may be necessary to get help. You should understand, getting help is not an indication of personal weakness, nor is it something to be ashamed of. Getting helps is a reflection of how bad the damage can sometimes be. As we said in the last unit, if you think you need help, get help. If you do need help, look for healers who are competent and qualified to help you with your issues and look for red flags that warn you when the healer may be dealing with their own issues, and not in a position to help you with your own.
Now that you understand the importance of getting good and qualified help, it is time to move on. In this unit, we are going to look at the second plank in the LP HEALING framework which is “E” for environment—specifically, the need for a healthy non-toxic, non-violent, safe, clean, healing environments. We will just say this directly. If you are going to heal the trauma and damage done to you by Toxic Socialization, if you are going to prevent further damage, hell, if you are going to avoid damage altogether, you are going to need to have an environment suitable for psychic health, healing, and also connection. On the LP we call this Right Environment. Right environment is a clean, non-toxic environment that supports and makes healing and reconnection possible.
What does an environment suitable for psychic health and healing look like? Environments suitable for healing and reconnection are safe and healing. Safe environments are non-toxic, non-violent environments where wounds are protected and trauma will not reoccur. Healing environments are environments filled with people who understand wounds, and will treat them properly in order to support the healing process. Let us look at each of these in turn, starting with the requirement for safe environment.
As for the need to create safe environments for psychic health and healing, understand, violence of all forms causes trauma. Physical violence causes physical trauma. Emotional violence causes emotional trauma. Psychological violence causes psychological trauma. If you punch somebody, whether that is with a fist, a word, a dirty look, or an angry voice, you do damage to their physical unit.
This is important.
Toxic environments, that is, environments where there is ongoing psychic or physical assault, cause everything from alcohol dependence and abuse,1 through eating disorders,2 personality disorders,3 depression,4 and even suicide.5 Toxic environments are implicated in increased criminality,6 dysfunctional personal relationships,7 and even serious cognitive deficits, like lower IQ.8
If you want to avoid ongoing trauma, if you want to heal your wounds, heck, if you want to create environments where trauma does not occur in the first place, you have to make sure your environments are safe and free of violence.
This seems like a no-brainer, really. If somebody breaks their arm, you do not put them into a ring of prizefighters, you take them to the hospital where their wound will be properly treated, and you send them to a safe home where they can rest and heal. If you break your leg falling off a bike, you do not continue to ride your bike in the park. If you gash your hand with a kitchen knife, you do not go dip it into your toilet. When you are physically injured, you settle down, take it easy, and avoid further strain. When you are physically injured, you make sure you do not enter into dirty and filthy environments because of the further harm and increased risk of infection. When dealing with physical wounds, you make sure you enter an environment that is safe and clean.
Now, while the need to be in a safe and clean environment in order to heal physical wounds is an obvious no–brainer, it is not so obvious when it comes to our emotional, psychological, and spiritual wounds, i.e., our Psychic Wounds.9 When we are wounded psychically, there is very little awareness of the need to be in a healthy and safe environment in order to treat the wound and prevent further damage. In fact, often even serious psychic wounds are simply ignored and we are sent back, or we send ourselves back, into toxic and unclean environments where psychic trauma is likely to reoccur, and damage is likely to get worse.
That makes no sense. If you want to heal your psychological, emotional, and spiritual wounds, you can’t do that. If you want to avoid trauma and infection, you need to move yourself to a safe and clean environment and you need to protect the wound. If you do not, then, just like with physical wounds, you will re-traumatize the wound and make it worse.
This is important and bears repeating. You cannot heal your physical wounds if you re-traumatize them and expose them to what is causing the infections. Similarly, you cannot heal your psychic wounds if you re-traumatize them and expose them to ongoing abuse and infection. You cannot heal if you work in a toxic environment. You cannot heal if your social groupings are toxic. You cannot heal if your home is toxic and violent, in any way. It does not matter how many times a week you see your expensive and “knowledgeable” therapist; if you are going back to a toxic environment at home or at work you will never ever heal.
Establishing right environment both inside and outside the home is of critical importance for healing and connecting not only for yourself, but the entire planet.10 To establish right environment, to create environments where wounds are protected and can heal, do the following:
- detoxify your home environments so you are not exposed to toxicity behaviours (violence, aggression, etc.) and wrong thoughts at home.
- stay away from/get out of other toxic environments that might infect you.
- get away from toxic people who assault you and cause you additional harm.
To help shift your realities towards right environment, we recommend a total commitment to non-violence in your life. Non-violence means that no violence is allowed. In a non-violent environment, there is no yelling, no name-calling, no emotional assault, no physical violence, and no aggression of any kind. Committing to non-violence provides an easy to understand, rock-solid foundation upon which to build healthy and clean psychic environments where healing can naturally occur.
To help you with your goal of creating right environment, the LP provides several online instruments that you can use to help you identify, assess, and reduce the toxicity of your environment. The LP assessments include the following:
The “How Toxic is My World?” assessment. This assessment can give you an indication of how toxic your childhood, adolescent, current domestic, social, and even work environments are. You can use the survey to assess your childhood, home, work, school, and social environments. The survey gives you a Toxicity Score for each of these environments. To move towards right environment, work to lower your toxicity score.
The “How Violent Am I?” assessment. This assessment can give you an indication of the ways you contribute to the toxicity in your environments. Obviously, if you are going to work towards right environment, you will have to address your own toxic and negative behaviours.
Finally, the “How Chaotic is my World?” assessment. This assessment can give you an indication of how chaotic your home environment is, and some hints on what to do to work towards creating a calm and safe environment.
You can access all these self-assessments and more by visiting
Note, if these assessments trigger guilt and shame because you find you are guilty of hurting and harming others, take a deep breath and relax. This is not about the chains of judgment, guilt, and shame. This is about the freedom of truth, alignment, and release. If you want to be released from guilt and shame, do not block awareness of it, because that will block forward progress and eventually cause illness. Instead, simply acknowledge it exists, determine the source of the guilt and shame, atone if necessary, and change your behaviours so they are in alignment with your own Highest Self. It is that simple. As we will discuss in more detail in Lightning Path Workbook Three: Connection, relief from guilt and shame only comes when you face the truth and change your thoughts and behaviours to be more in alignment with your own Highest Self.
And just to be clear, we have all done things to be ashamed of. Because of ignorance, psychological trauma, and profound disconnection, we have all harmed other living beings, often even our own children. As we will see below, there is no point in denying this fact or making this into a contest. If we want to move forward as a species, we must all acknowledge our toxic actions so that we can change our behaviours, and clear guilt and shame so we can connect. Anybody that tells you differently does not know what they are talking about.
Creating a clean and safe environment where your psychic wounds are protected and where you can heal is the first step in the healing process. If you do not establish a safe place at least in your home, you will continue to undergo damage, and you will struggle with other aspects of the healing process.
Making your environments safe is only step one of the process. Making your environments safe is like building the hospital where you go to treat your wounds. Once the hospital is built, you have to fill it with people who know how to treat and heal wounds.
Obviously, you cannot fill your home or your workspaces with nurses, doctors, and psychologists who can help you treat your wound, but you can teach yourself and others what is necessary to treat and heal psychic wounds. It is not that hard. In fact, its actually common sense. Everybody knows what to do when you are physically wounded. When you are physically wounded, you do three things. Number one, you protect the wound from further damage. Number two, you clean the wound to prevent infection. Number three, you treat the wound and give it the support it needs to heal.
You can see this basic strategy in play when you cut your hand with a kitchen knife. First, you will protect the wound from further damage. You will drop the knife, cover it with cloth of some sort, and try and stop the bleeding. If the wound is not too bad and you can treat the wound yourself, your next step will be to clean the wound of any dirt and grime to make sure that no bacteria gets in and causes infection. Finally, you will treat the wound by applying an antibiotic cream and by scaffolding the wound (applying bandages or stitches) to help the wound heal.
To heal a physical would, you protect, clean, and treat the wound.
This knowledge is so basic that even children know what to do.
If you do not protect, clean, and treat a wound, the wound, especially if it is severe, is not going to heal properly. If you poke at your cut with a stick, if you jump into a dirty pool with a bunch of open wounds, if you just get back up and start riding your bike again after you have broken your leg, your physical wounds will never heal. In fact, if you do any of these things, your wounds will get worse. It is as simple and straightforward as that. If you want to heal your physical wounds you must clean, protect, and treat the wound so the wound can properly heal.
Despite all the complicated psychology spit up over the years, treating your psychic wounds is exactly the same. When you receive a psychic wound, whether that wound is emotional, psychological, or spiritual, you must protect, clean, and treat the wound. Of course, the process is a little different when it comes to psychic wounds, but not really.
Say, for example, you are a parent or teacher and you witness one child calling another child names. If you consider words as little daggers that stab you in the emotions, then the first thing you do is stop the stabbing and protect the wound. In this case, you would separate the children to ensure no further verbal stabbing occurs.
Once you have protected the wound from further damage, then the next step is to clean the wound. In the case of an Emotional Stabbing, cleaning the wound will require not punishment, which will just make everything worse for all involved, but proper treatment for both parties, and a sincere apology from the perpetrating student.
Let us be clear here. Despite what psychologists like B. F. Skinner might have said, punishment does not work. Over the long term, punishment makes things much worse. Punishes increase trauma in the perpetrator being punished and it teaches the victim that the solution to violence is always more violence. Punishing others only makes sense if your overall goal is to ensure the perpetuation of violence in society. Otherwise, it is absurd. You have to treat both parties because the perpetrator is a perpetrator not because they are mean or evil, but because they are also victims of violence and trauma, often in their own home. If you fail to acknowledge and treat that trauma, if you simply punish the perpetrator, you are failing to deal adequately with the issues and perpetuating interpersonal violence.
After both students have both been treated, a sincere No Buts Apology11 from the perpetrator helps clean the wound of any negative thought and emotion, so that thought and emotion does not linger and cause infection.
Finally, once the wound is protected and cleaned, you have to treat the wound. Treating the wound, as you know, often involves scaffolding the wound. When you scaffold the wound, you give it extra support to ensure it heals properly. Physically, scaffolding involves creams, bandages, stitches, casts, and so on. Psychically, scaffolding involves, as appropriate, hugs, kisses, care, concern, love, support, extra attention, and extra kind words until the wound is completely healed. In the case of a child, and presuming this is the only psychic assault this child will receive for a period of time,12 who has been repeatedly stabbed with a verbal knife, a hug, love from the parents, and additional attention and support at school for a short time should be sufficient to heal the wound.
And that is it.
Conceptually, it is that simple. If you want to heal and connect, build a safe environment and fill it with people who a) are not going to run around assaulting everyone and b) know how to treat psychic wounds. If you train everybody around you, or at least surround yourself, with people who know how to treat psychic wounds, and if you create safe and healthy environments, you will go a long way towards establishing right environment where all your psychic wounds can finally heal.
Of course, the above is an ideal conceptualization of a treatment process for psychic wounds. Almost all the subtlety and detail of protecting, cleaning, and treating psychic wounds is left out. This is an important consideration, especially since most people are not dealing with a single psychic wound. Most people are dealing with multiple wounds that they have incurred over a lifetime of assault, and that have become seriously infected as a consequence of our failure to properly treat them. This means that in almost all cases, a little care, attention, and affection is not going to be enough. In most cases, extended effort will be required. If this is the case with you and yours, remember to get that therapy. Find a qualified therapist who can help you deal with your emotional infections, and put in the time necessary to protect, clean, and treat your wounds.
Note that if you cannot find a therapist, cannot afford one, or just do not want one because you would rather do it yourself, you can also engage in a self-care and self-treatment regime. Self-care helps you deal with the toxicity in your life, relieve stress, and treat psychological, sociological, and spiritual damage. Self-treatment helps you heal your psychic wounds.
Self-care is not something to be dismissed. It is a critical part of the healing regime, even when you have your own therapist. When the doctor sends you home with a cast on your broken leg, you go home and take care of yourself. The doctor will have given you advice, of course, but ultimately you are the one engaged in your own care.
These days, lots of people are talking about self-care and giving out advice to those interested in psychic wellness, so we will not rehearse the details here. Just remember, the point of the care is to treat your psychic wounds. Be careful with the advice that you get. Be discerning. Corporations that seek to profit from your trauma can sometimes lead you to think that buying things (like scented candles and yoga mats) is a necessary prerequisite of self-help regimes. While scented candles and yoga mats might be nice, when appropriate, it is important to remember that the goal is treating psychological, sociological, and spiritual damage. Just like a scented candle won’t help much with a broken leg or a cut hand, scented candles and other forms of products are often only peripherally related to psychic healing. If you want to heal, you need to focus on the core psychic wounds and infections that undermine health and connection. Focusing on that core involves cleaning the wound, clearing infection, and preventing further damage. Do not get drawn away from this core truth by corporations who just want your money. Stay focused on the core need to clean, protect, and treat.
Speaking about the core treatment, one ancient and proven way to help clean wounds and clear out psychic infections is with positive affirmations and mantras. In this regard, a simple Affirmation of Self13 can be used to help clean out the wound. An Affirmation of Self (AOS) is an affirmation of the power, light, and divinity of your own Highest Self. An AOS is like a disinfectant wipe you use to clean out dirt and grime from your psychic wounds. To be effective, an AOS should be something simple to remember and repeat like
I am powerful. I am healthy. I am beautiful. I am strong.
I am worthy. I am connected (to Self). I am beautiful. I am strong.
You can use affirmations like this to help heal yourself. Whenever you feel assaulted, clean out the negative ideas and the emotional gunk before it gets infected by reciting an AOS, preferably in a hot bath, on a nice nature walk, or something like that, until the wound is clear and you feel better. Also, keep in mind, you need to protect the wound. If you are assaulted by someone, tell them not to do it again and if they do not comply, stay away from them. Just like dipping an open wound into a cesspool will cause infection, getting re-assaulted will cause psychic infection.14 If you want to heal, stay away from toxicity.
You can also use affirmations like this to help others clean out their wounds and prevent infection. Find good ones and teach them to your kids, your clients, and your healing groups. Use them for even the smallest psychic wounds15 and repeat often until the wound is clean and healed. You can even use them to treat chronic infections. In cases of serious and chronic infection, an AOS should be repeated daily, and often, in relaxing situations.
At this point, the nature of psychic wounds, and the need to clean protect, and treat these wounds, should be clear. On an ideal world, this simple knowledge would go a long way towards preventing psychic infections and healing damage. On an ideal world, we would simply stop assaulting each other and our children, and properly treat the wounds. Unfortunately, the struggle to heal does not end with enlightened realization of the nature of psychic suffering. Even though we now know there is a problem, and even though we now know how to fix it, there will be resistance to this idea and its implementation. You may experience this resistance from your own family, friends, and even coworkers at work. When you try and tell them about creating a healthy environment or a safe space, they may ignore you, make fun of you, or even, if they are very toxic, engage in psychic assault. If you are not expecting it, you might find yourself quite surprised. You may even experience this resistance internally for your self, possibly doubting, denying, and even attempting to dismiss the information you read in this book.
There are several reasons why we experience resistance to creating healthy environments. One very rational reason is that people struggle to accept the reality of psychic wounds, because the evidence of these wounds can often be subtle and easy to miss. Every parent can see when a child has a physical cut because a physical cut and the danger it poses is obvious. However, psychic cuts are not that obvious. We cannot see emotional, psychological, or spiritual wounds like we see physical wounds. Beyond tears and a sad face, or subtle psychological and behavioural changes, there is no immediate and obvious physical evidence for even debilitating psychic wounds.
What is more, failure to treat psychic wounds can lead to Psychic Sepsis. Psychic sepsis is a serious and life-threatening psychic infection caused by failure to properly protect, clean, and treat a psychic wound. Psychic sepsis manifests as various forms of, what the psychiatric establishment refers to as “mental illness.” Psychic sepsis often only shows up much later. A child that is in an emotionally abusive environment at home may not develop cutting behaviours until they are twelve, or even later. An anxiety infection (i.e. anxiety disorder) caused by chronic assault at home, in the classroom, or in your workplace, may develop gradually over the course of a few years. The time span between initial trauma and manifestation of symptoms can make it difficult to connect the infection to the original trauma.
Thus, without the immediate and obvious evidence of a physical wound, and with the fact that infection and sepsis can only show up later, the reality of psychic wounds is easy to overlook, ignore, and even dismiss.
To be sure, the “subtle” reality of psychic assault and damage is easy to miss; but surely once you understand the nature of psychic trauma and psychic infection, the whole thing should be obvious, and you will cease and desist from resistance. This is not rocket science, after all.
Unfortunately, even when you spell it out simply and explicitly, people will still resist. They do this not out of spite, but because they have been socialized within a toxic system that a) explicitly teaches them to ignore and belittle psychic suffering and that b) actually encourages them to endure and enact psychic assault on others. Within this system, even physical assault on defenceless children, euphemized as “spanking,” is tolerated, and even encouraged by most parents,16 despite the profound damage that it does.17
You can see how the system teaches us to ignore and belittle people with psychic wounds by looking at male socialization practices. When male children are hurt in any way, they are often taught to pretend that they are not hurt, and to suppress the tears and sad faces that are the direct evidence of their emotional pain. Boys, and men, are told to “get over it,” “toughen up,” and “grow up.” Those who cannot are belittled and often feminized with statements like “Oh you are such a girl.” And it is not just boys. Women who want to enter the “real world,” especially the corporate world, are encouraged to suppress and amputate their emotional responses just like men. Women who do not are looked down upon as a less reliable “investment.”
It is hard to take psychic wounds seriously when you have been conditioned to ignore your wounds and make fun of other people who are injured. Unfortunately, however, it is much worse than that. Human beings are even counselled to embrace psychic assault because the psychic trauma presumably “builds character” and “makes us stronger.” Who has not heard the phrase “my suffering has made me who I am today.” Even so-called “positive” psychology has gotten in on the act of embracing trauma because, as they say on their website, “crises reveals character.”18
This is, of course, a pile of malarkey. Saying that “crises reveals character” or that “what does not kill us makes us stronger” is like saying gashing your legs open makes you a better person. It does not. Trauma damages you, period. It is the height of human absurdity to suggest that psychic trauma is actually good for you. All the evidence suggests that psychic trauma does serious and debilitating damage.19 If there is ever a “silver lining,” it is in spite of the trauma, not because of it.
Why are we counselled to accept damage and embrace future trauma? Because damaged people are easier to control and disconnected people are easier to fool. Damaged people are easier to insert into boring, meaningless jobs and easy to manipulate by nefarious political actors. Disconnected people can be led around like sheep. This is why some representatives of Western churches, which have been elite affairs since the Emperor Constantine created the Catholic Church, encourage you to hit your children with sayings like “spare the rod, spoil the child.” This is why politicians like American Jeff Sessions makes fun of “safe spaces” and emotional care.20 This is why elite actors like Donald Trump say they “love the poorly educated.” They do not want children to be safe. The Power’s That Be (PTB) want humans to be damaged and diminished by constant emotional trauma because that makes humans easier to manipulate and control. If we want to stop that, one of the most important things we have to do is to stop abusing each other right away, so we can all heal the damage and fully reconnect.
So far we have dealt with two reasons for resistance to creating healthy environments and learning basic healing skills. Reason one is simple ignorance. Reason two is a system that encourages violence because that violence diminishes us and makes us easier to control.
A third and final reason we might experience resistance to the idea of creating safe, healing environments is because of shame and guilt. What are shame and guilt and why do we experience them? More to the point, why is shame and guilt and obstacle to health and healing? In order to understand this you have to understand that shame and guilt are Steering Emotions. As explained in The Great Awakening: Concepts and Techniques for Successful Spiritual Practice,21 steering emotions are emotions that are triggered by your higher Self to help identify problem spots and to encourage aligned behaviour. When we do something that is out of alignment, we feel bad. When we do something that is in alignment, we feel good. These good and bad feelings help steer us towards alignment when we are disconnected.
Ideally, when we feel shame and guilt, we identify the bad behaviour that is causing the shame and guilt and change that behaviour, thereby bringing us more into alignment. When we do that, the guilt and shame goes away. Unfortunately, because the damage is subtle and easy to miss, and because The System encourages violence, we often do not change our behaviour. When we do not change, when, for whatever reasons, we keep engaging in Wrong Action by, for example, assaulting our children, hurting others, stealing from the poor, etc., the guilt and shame build up. Over time, the guilt and pain become unbearable. When guilt and shame become unbearable, we do whatever we can to avoid feeling that guilt and shame.
Not to compare people in a negative way to dogs, but it is like confronting a puppy who has chewed up the furniture while you are away at work. A puppy who has destroyed the house will not want to look at the furniture because to do so reminds it that it did something wrong. To avoid guilt and shame, the canine will pretend the reality it created does not exist. It will lower its head, avert its eyes, and try anything to take its attention off the crime. It is the same way with humans. Humans who have done bad things will do anything to avert attention from the bad things they have done.
Of course, we humans have a more sophisticated emotional and cognitive apparatus than dogs, though perhaps some might argue otherwise. When it comes to avoiding reality, we have more tools in our toolbox than your typical canine companion. When guilt and shame become painful, there are four things you can do to avoid reality and help alleviate guilt and shame.
Number one, we can repress the emotions down so we are not aware of them and do not feel them at all.
Number two, we can pretend that our actions are not so bad after all. We can pretend that spanking our kids makes them behave better (spare the rod, spoil the child). We can pretend that hurting others really makes them stronger.
Number three, we can blame the victim for being broken or weak. This is what happens when a parent, for example, blames their daughter’s eating disorder on a “predisposition” rather than the toxic and controlling parenting that produces this result.
Finally, number four, we can forget the events really happened. As long as we do not remember and think about our actions, it is easier to suppress and repress guilt. This is what my mother does when she forgets that she used a belt to whip my brother and I when she was feeling furiously mad.
Obviously, if someone you know is repressing, pretending, blaming, and forgetting, the last thing they are going to want to do is face reality and change it. They are also not going to want to create a safe and healing environment. Why should they? It is not needed. They do not feel bad after all (they repress). Their actions were not as harmful as you say (they pretend). And besides, if you were not such a weakling, the problem would just go away. They will resist even admitting there is a problem because to do so would require them to, well, admit there is a problem.
We can understand why they would do this.
If they admit there is a problem, a psychological cascade occurs. If they admit there is a problem they have to admit they did something wrong. If they admit they did something wrong, they can no longer blame, repress, pretend, and forget. If they can no longer blame, repress, pretend, and forget, all the guilt and shame comes flooding back in. Depending on how much and how long they have suppressed those painful emotions, it could be substantial, like a tsunami. If there is a lot of repressed guilt and shame, the resistance might be so profound that it will seem like they are living in an alternate reality from you, and they are. In order to avoid the experience of guilt and shame, they will literally repress, pretend, blame, and forget their way to an alternate reality. Trying to get through that resistance will feel like banging your head against a brick wall.
So what do you do? If it is someone else, not much. The psychological and emotional obstacles may simply be too high to overcome, in which case your only solution may be to find a different environment and, if you love them, continue to work on your self, model healthy ways of being, and pray for some kind of miracle to happen.
If guilt and shame is an issue for you, if it is causing you to resist doing the things you need to do to heal and connect, then understand, the only way to clear that guilt and shame is to face the reality of your actions and forgive yourself for your trespasses. Do not be hard on yourself. You did the things you did not because you are bad or evil but because you were ignorant of the truth and traumatized/damaged by the System. There is no sense in wasting psychic energy by dwelling on things you cannot change, or trying to repress it all down. To move forward, just change your behaviour, get help if you need to, and quit participating in the toxicity. True, there may be a lot of trauma and damage to heal from, but you will not be able to do that if you are rendered inactive and unable to move by intense guilt and shame. If you want to release yourself from the chains of guilt and shame, if you want to change your world, if you want to change the world, do not repress guilt and shame. Acknowledge your bad actions, forgive yourself your trespasses, and move forward and live a more aligned life.
To recap, if we want to heal we need to understand that psychic assaults cause serious psychic wounds, we need to understand the basic treatment strategy for dealing with those wounds, and we have to create safe environments where these wounds can be protected and treated so they heal and do not become infected. In theory, this strategy for healing is relatively straightforward; however, because
- psychic wounds can be subtle and easy to miss,
- serious infections can take years to develop,
- we are encouraged to ignore the trauma and embrace the damage as if it is actually good for us, and
- guilt and shame can cause us to avoid even acknowledging toxic environments,
…we can experience a lot of resistance to the whole notion of toxic environments from those around us, and maybe even ourselves. In many (perhaps most) of our environments, even asserting the desire to take psychic trauma seriously by establishing right environment can be met with hostility and ridicule. Because there is still a general ignorance and resistance, especially amongst the older generation, it is not always possible to completely avoid toxic environments and toxic/violent people. However, you should at least create a healthy space in your home environment where you can protect, clean, and treat your wounds and later, work to connect. Ideally, your entire home should be a safe and non-toxic space, but if all you can do is create a one-room cocoon, that is fine too. If, for whatever reason, you cannot even create a safe room in your own home, you may need to accept a different life course, terminate toxic relationships, find others places to live, and/or seek professional help. Remember, if you take your injuries and go swimming in a dirty cesspool, your wounds will get infected, and you will never heal and connect.
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2E. E. Burns et al., “Deficits in Emotion Regulation Mediate the Relationship between Childhood Abuse and Later Eating Disorder Symptoms,” Child Abuse & Neglect 36, no. 32–39 (2012).
3Katja Wingenfeld et al., “Associations of Childhood Trauma, Trauma in Adulthood and Previous-Year Stress with Psychopathology in Patients with Major Depression and Borderline Personality Disorder,” Child Abuse & Neglect 35, no. 8 (August 1, 2011): 647–54, doi:10.1016/j.chiabu.2011.04.003.
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6David DiLillo, Terri Lewis, and Andrea Di Loreto-Colgan, “Child Maltreatment History and Subsequent Romantic Relationships,” Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma 15, no. 1 (November 1, 2007): 19–36, doi:10.1300/J146v15n01_02.
7Julia C. Poole, Keith S. Dobson, and Dennis Pusch, “Do Adverse Childhood Experiences Predict Adult Interpersonal Difficulties? The Role of Emotion Dysregulation,” Child Abuse & Neglect 80 (June 1, 2018): 123–33, doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2018.03.006.
8Helen L. Bee et al., “Prediction of IQ and Language Skill from Perinatal Status, Child Performance, Family Characteristics, and Mother-Infant Interaction,” Child Dev 53, no. 5 (1982): 1134–56, doi:10.1111/1467-8624.ep8587753; Peejay D. Bengwasan, “The Intellectual Profile of Abused and Neglected Children in the Philippines: An Analysis of SB5 IQ Scores of Sexually Abused, Physically Abused and Neglected Children,” Child Abuse & Neglect 81 (2018): 389–95, doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2018.05.019; Paula Approbato de Oliveira et al., “Intellectual Deficits in Brazilian Victimized Children and Adolescents: A Psychosocial Problem?,” Child Abuse & Neglect 36, no. 7 (July 1, 2012): 608–10, doi:10.1016/j.chiabu.2012.05.002.
9By definition, a Psychic Wound is an emotional, psychological, or spiritual wound caused by emotional, psychological, or spiritual assault severe enough to cause neurological damage the Bodily Ego. Put another way, a psychic wound is caused by an assault severe enough to damage and shift neurological programming and pathways in the brain.
10 And reconnection, we might add.
11A No Buts Apology is an apology where you say “I am sorry, I was wrong.” And That is all. You do not justify the behaviour by saying things like “but you deserved it” or “you made me mad.” You do not say “but you did the same to me last week.” You simply acknowledge your behaviour was wrong, and promise to not do it again.
12Of course, this is not a safe assumption. The reality is, children are constantly assaulted from all sides, even their parents.
14We understand that leaving toxic environments is not easy and that there are many confounding factors to overcome before one can escape from them. Nonetheless, if you want to heal, you need to protect yourself and get out of toxic environments. This is a core truth and necessary for healing.
15 When you notice someone engaging in self-inflicted toxic behaviours, try to shift their perception by pointing out something positive to them. If they say, “I’m such a loser!” respond back, “No, I think you are a kind and gentle human being,” or something like that.
16Scott Clement, “Millennials like to Spank Their Kids Just as Much as Their Parents Did,” Washington Post, 2015.
17Paul Taylor, “Spanking Lowers IQ: Study,” The Globe and Mail, 2018.
18Courtney Ackerman, “What Is Positive Psychology & Why Is It Important?,” PositivePsychology.Com, 2018, https://positivepsychology.com/what-is-positive-psychology-definition/.
19For an overview of the research, see Sosteric, “Toxic Socialization.”
20Edwin Rios, “Jeff Sessions Just Accused Colleges of Creating “sanctimonious, Sensitive, Supercilious Snowflakes”,” Mother Jones, accessed October 19, 2019, https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2018/07/jeff-sessions-just-accused-colleges-of-creating-sanctimonious-sensitive-supercilious-snowflakes/.
21Michael Sharp, The Great Awakening: Concepts and Techniques for Successful Spiritual Practice (St. Albert, Alberta, Canada: Lightning Path Press, 2007), https://amzn.to/2SSljTP.