This lesson is excerpted from Lightning Path Workbook Two: The Healing.
As you pick up this workbook for the first time, a first question that might pop into your mind at the outset is why, in the context of human development and spiritual connection, are we talking about healing?
The answer to that question is simple. Recall, as we learned in LP Workbook One, your physical body is a vessel, a container, a vehicle for your higher Consciousness. The simple truth is, for “the vessel” of your higher Consciousness to be able to hold/handle your higher Consciousness, it has to be healthy and whole—and by that we mean there should be no “holes” in the glass. If there are holes in the glass, if there is damage to the physical body (the Physical Unit[wiki] as we like to call it)1 then it does not matter how strong your connection or how fast you pour Consciousness into the glass, the water of your higher Consciousness will simply pour out of the glass. If you got holes in the physical unit, you have to fix the holes, otherwise, you cannot make progress towards stronger connection. It is as simple as that.
Of course, the question that pops up now is, “Do I have holes in my glass?” The answer to that question is an unequivocal yes. As outlined in the paper Toxic Socialization,2 we all endure a [wiki]Toxic Socialization (TS)3 process. The toxicity of this process damages the physical unit. This damage prevents us from connecting and, if it goes unaddressed, undermines our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being as well.
What is toxic socialization exactly? To understand toxic socialization, you must understand what socialization is. Socialization is the process whereby we are trained to fit into human society. Socialization is the process of learning how to fit into one’s family and culture, and how to be who you think you should be. Socialization starts at birth when we are assigned a gender category, and it continues through childhood, adolescence, and adulthood where we learn not only how to act and how to dress, but how to think and feel “properly.”
You would think that the socialization process, the training process, we all undergo would be designed to make us healthy, whole, and well-connected; unfortunately, despite our intellectual and modern advancements, it is not. This toxic socialization process we all endure is is characterized by a) violence, b) neglect, c) chaos, d) destruction of attachments, and e) ideological indoctrination. The violence, neglect, chaos, destruction of attachments, and indoctrination leave us unhealthy, sick, completely disconnected, and with many “holes” in our glass through which the Consciousness of our higher Self pours out.
To understand a bit more about toxic socialization, let us look briefly at each of the five components in turn, starting with violence.
As noted, toxic socialization is characterized by violence. Violence includes all forms of violence, like physical, emotional, psychological, and sexual. Violence, in particular emotional, psychological, and sexual violence, is very damaging to the physical unit. The evidence is quite clear on this.4 Violence of any sort, and this includes the emotional violence of screaming, yelling, name-calling, etc., as well as the psychological violence of exclusion, condescension, condemnation, manipulation, and control, etc., damages our physical unit, undermines our mental and emotional health, and makes it harder to contain Consciousness because of the holes it creates in the mind.
What kind of damage are we talking about? Copious damage, especially when the assaults are chronic. It is like getting punched in the arm over, and over, and over again. You might be able to recover from the first punch or two, but repeated assaults will bring permanent neuromuscular damage. The only difference is that in the case of emotional and psychological violence, the damage is emotional and psychological, and far worse than neuromuscular damage.
Emotional trauma damages your emotional responses and makes it difficult to trust, to be happy, to express, and even to relax. Psychological trauma damages your psychological structures, making it difficult to control your impulses, keep your bodily ego in check, or function in a psychologically stable manner.
Emotional and psychological trauma can even damage your intellectual functioning by lowering your intelligence quotient (IQ) and making it harder for you to process, think, and understand. And that is not the worst of it.
Obviously, toxic socialization also damages your ability to connect to others and to your own higher Self. It is difficult for somebody who has had their cognitive and emotional operations altered by violence and neglect, who is depressed, who struggles with a personality disorder, who is narcissist, or avoidant, or dealing with post-traumatic stress disorders (PTSD), or who is struggling with impulsivity, or some other maladaptive coping mechanism, to deal with their trauma and connect and handle higher levels of Consciousness. To put it bluntly, toxic socialization results in a damaged physical unit that is “weak” and cannot handle the flow.
If it helps, you can think of it like this. Think of your body like a prism, the kind that breaks white light into its component colours. Think of your Consciousness as a white beam of light flowing into the prism and then out into the real world beyond. In a healthy situation, when the prism is undamaged, the beam enters the body/prism and is then refracted out into the seven beautiful colours (the ROY-G-BIV) of the visible spectrum. However, when the physical unit experiences toxicity, when the prism is cracked by violence, neglect, and other aspects of toxic socialization, the light does not refract out in pure form. When the prism is damaged, cracked, or broken, the light that flows out is distorted, bent, and incomplete. When the damage is severe, the refracted light can be pathological, ugly, and even quite dark.
Violence is not the only thing that damages your body and undermines your ability to connect. Neglect of your Seven Essential Needs also causes damage and undermines the development of your full human potential. It is easy to understand why neglect of your needs is bad. It is like growing a pretty flower in a pot, but not giving the flower enough food, water, and sunlight so that it can grow and thrive. If you do not feed and water the plant, it will grow up to be smaller. If you starve the plant, it will grow up stunted or die. This is not rocket science. If you want to grow a healthy and strong plant, you will need to give it just the right amount of food, water, and sunlight so it can grow up fast and strong.
It is the same with humans, obviously, except that humans are more complex and have many more needs than a plant. If you do not meet all the essential needs in humans, they also grow up stunted and small. For your information, the following is a brief list of the LP’s Seven Essential Needs. Scan this list until you have a good sense of the comprehensive scope of these needs.
- Physiological needs. The need for food, water, nourishment, shelter, and so on. The need for enough money to survive without daily stress.
- Safety needs. The need for a safe home, safe spaces to develop and learn, etc. Note, safety includes the absence of assault of any kind, including physical assault (e.g., spankings, pushing or shoving, slamming doors, destruction of personal property etc.), emotional and psychological assault (e.g. verbal name-calling, shaming, blaming, withdrawal, and exclusion), and spiritual assault (e.g. misguided spiritual teachings, hierarchical beliefs, oppression, etc.).
- Love needs. The need for unconditional support, unconditional acceptance, and unconditional inclusion.
- Truth/understanding needs. The need to know and understand the world you are born into and are able to become your true authentic self.
- Esteem/Power needs. The need to feel good about one’s self. The need for self-efficacy and the ability to learn the tools in order for you to control your needs in the world.
- Need for alignment. The need to be in alignment with your Highest Self. The need to express and actualize who you truly are inside.
- Need for connection. The need for connection with your Highest Self. In Transpersonal Psychology, transcendence; in Christianity, Islamic beliefs etc. salvation; in Buddhism, enlightenment).
To be clear, if a human child is going to enter what we call Growth Mode (more on this in the final unit “G” is for Growth), if it is going to develop into a healthy adult human with a strong ego, it has to have all its essential needs met. If the adult is going to be able to handle connection, all of the essential needs must be simultaneously met, especially during early childhood, and especially in the so-called sensitive or critical periods of infancy, childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood.5 It simply does not matter what the genetics of the child is. If you do not meet all the needs, the child will not mature fully to their authentic true self. It is just like when you’re growing a flower in a pot; if you do not meet all the needs for water, nutrients, and sunlight, the flower will be stunted. It is only when all the human needs are met that full and healthy development, and strong and clean connections, can occur.
We will have more to say about the seven essential needs in a later unit, and how you can go about recognizing and meeting these needs. For now, put it in your head that in order to raise a healthy child, in order to be healthy as an adult, you need to ensure your essential needs are met. If they are not, you need to find adequate ways to meet them.
Both violence and neglect undermine the health, development, and well-being of the physical unit and make healthy and pure connection difficult. Unfortunately, violence and neglect are not the only things that impact the physical unit. Chaotic home environments also have negative impacts.
Chaotic environments are characterized by crowding, noise, lack of routine, and instability. Chaos and crowding is associated with “poorer developmental outcomes for all children.”6 This includes reduced academic performance,7 lethargy, delayed intellectual and psychomotor development,8 and so on. Chaos and crowding can also impact and undermine child-parent attachment9 (see below) and lead to behavioural problems in school,10 aggression and conduct disorders.11 Chaos and instability in our environments are a particular problem when the chaos is intense and chronic (i.e., long term).12
Why is chaos and instability associated with reduced developmental outcomes? Researchers are still working on that question, but it likely comes down to inability to engage in focused exploratory play, lack of emotion/physical/psychological safety needs, and the toxic impact of stress on brain neurology. Children in chaotic environments are embedded in a sea of stimulation, distraction, redirection, uncertainty, and lack of safety. Is mommy or daddy coming home drunk? Is mommy or daddy going to hit me? Is mommy or daddy going to be mad today?”
You get the picture.
In these conditions, energy and attention which would normally be given over to focused and safe exploration and play is diverted to anticipatory anxiety-ridden self-protection and defence. Under conditions of toxic stress, the child is always trying to increase their safety and security rather than simply playing and growing. When this occurs, over time, instead of biological energy being directed to the development of an open and expressive human being which can understand and accept its own Self, we instead create conditions where children and adolescents divert their energies towards the development of defensive, even hyper-reactive states whose primary focus is on building barriers and protections rather than developing and connecting to the world, and to the Self within. It is hard to be open and connected, it is hard to develop your full potential, when you are constantly in Defence Mode[wiki]; you simply do not have the energy to do it.
To be clear, chaos and instability is bad. If a human child is going to enter what we might want to call [wiki]Growth Mode, and if that child is going to grow into a strong and fully connected human being and not a reactive and defensive rebel, it must have a safe, calm, and stimulating environment that encourages play and growth, rather than a toxic environment that encourages reactive defences.
Violence, neglect, and chaos/instability all undermine development, harm the physical unit, and cause toxic development; but there is more to toxic socialization than violence, neglect, and chaos. Toxic socialization also undermines child attachment. “Attachment can be understood as… the enduring emotional closeness which binds families to prepare children for independence and parenthood…. ”13 Attachment is the emotional bond between a child and a parent, primary caregiver, teacher, mentor and other care giving agent.
Why are attachments so important? As one researcher notes, “…. Attachment allows children the ‘secure base’ necessary to explore, learn and relate, and the well-being, motivation, and opportunity to do so. It is important for safety, stress regulation, adaptability, and resilience.”14 Attachment is important because a child learns its initial identity and its sense of self-worth from its early life attachments. More to the point, attachments are necessary for survival, satisfaction of human needs, and even full human growth. Recall the seven essential needs here. Infants, children, adolescents, and even younger adults cannot meet their own needs despite what we might like to think. We, all us humans, are completely dependent on adult caregivers for years, and partially dependent on them for decades. The type of long-term “no-return” investment required to meet the needs of a child/adolescent/young adult requires a titanium biological attachment. Evolutionary speaking, neurological mechanisms that facilitate and encourage Primary Attachments to parental units, and Secondary Attachments such as friends or teachers, and eventually Tertiary Attachments to employers and other members of the individual’s community, makes perfect sense, and are an obviously essential requirement of growth.
So, what happens when attachments are damaged? Bad things happen at a number of different levels. Weak, disordered, or absent child attachment experiences have a profound impact on the health and well-being15 of the individual. As one researcher put it, “Disturbed childhood attachment relates to adult physical and psychological ill-health, including major causes of mortality. It is a key factor in intergenerational parenting difficulties, and predisposes children to substance abuse, temper problems, homelessness, promiscuity, early pregnancy, and criminality.”16 In terms of human spirituality and connection, weak, disordered, or absent attachments debilitate the physical unit and undermine its ability to connect. Obviously, we cannot ignore the importance of attachment experiences in our growth and development.17
If you accept the importance of attachment, and if you accept that toxic socialization undermines and even destroys attachment, then the next question we need to ask is what causes damaged attachments? There are lots of different things.
Primary and secondary attachments are destroyed by chaotic and disordered environments, absent parents, poorly managed break-ups, and violence against children and members of the family unit (including animals). Physical or mental illness on the part of a parent or caregiver can have a deleterious impact on attachment as well, as can parental addictions to sex, shopping, alcohol, drugs, etc.. Attachments may also be weakened when parents are poor and have to work all the time, or if they spend all their emotional time with each other, or they are still children themselves. In essence, anything that takes energy away from giving the children the copious care and attention they need, and anything that causes hurt or pain to anybody in the family unit, impacts and weakens attachments.
Tertiary attachments to community and even the planet are destroyed by competition, war, and ideologies of “good versus evil” that set groups (like Christians, capitalists etc.) up against other groups (like Muslims, socialists, etc.). Competition, war, ideologies of good versus evil, ideas that create oppositions and antagonisms, all thwart authentic tertiary attachments to others, primarily because these orientations put you in an antagonistic stance where you are always looking for weakness to exploit, or evil in them to condemn. The antagonistic stance inevitably leads to forms of emotional, psychological, and even physical violence which not only interfere with attachment, but damage the physical unit and undermine our ability to connect.
Hopefully, at this point, you get a sense of just how important meeting human needs and developing healthy attachments is. It is not just a question of spiritual connection, it is question of basic human health. If you do not provide non-toxic environments, if you do not meet all your essential needs, if you force children to grow up in chaos, and if you stand by while attachments are weakened and destroyed, you get unhealthy, sick, diminished human beings. Not only is that problematic, but it is costly at multiple levels. To move forward, you need to work on improving your environments, reducing violence, and giving more attention to meeting your human needs and developing healthy attachments.
The final aspect of toxic socialization we have to be aware of is ideology and indoctrination. Ideology is a set of beliefs, ideas, norms, and values intentionally constructed in order to shape human behaviour for the purposes of political or economic exploitation.18 Ideologies essentially teach us Wrong Thought and Wrong Action[wiki/]. Wrong thoughts are thoughts that encourage or cause disconnection. Wrong actions are actions that are out of [wiki]alignment with our highest Self.
Ideology is a complicated topic and we shall discuss it in a bit more detail in the chapter on ideology in this book, and also in Lightning Path Workbook Four where we dive deep into the ideological systems of this world. At core, however, it is quite simple. Ideological statements all revolve around two core sets of ideas. These are, number one, ideas that diminish your sense of self and, number two, ideas that encourage you to engage in toxic actions, or to stay inactive while others are being hurt. Diminishing your sense of self disconnects you and makes you easier to control, something which we will explore in more detail as we progress Giving you ideas that encourage violence makes it easier to weaponize you. Giving you ideas that encourage you to stay passive and inactive make you easier to sideline and control.
As for ideas that diminish your sense of self, these include ideas like “you are descended apes,” you are being punished for bad “karma,” you are “ejected from The Garden because you cannot follow a simple rule,” and so on. As for ideas that encourage toxic behaviours, these are ideas like “it’s ok to hurt others if they are ‘bad,’” “God punishes bad people,” the universe is all about some kind of cosmic battle between good and evil, “spare the rod and spoil the child,” “karma will punish you with a lower birth,” and so on. Any secular or spiritual idea that helps you justify and excuse harming or neglecting other living beings, including yourself, and especially your children, is an ideological statement.
What do you do about ideology?
You have to clear it out and replace it with ideas that do not diminish your sense of self and do not encourage and excuse violence against others. This can be a bit a challenge since the process involves digging deep into your thinking process in order to identify and replace ingrained ideas, but it is possible, and we can help. The LP devotes considerable time to unpacking, analyzing, and replacing ideology. A chapter in this workbook is devoted to deepening your understanding of ideology and, later on in Lightning Path Workbook Four: Archetypes, ideology is explored in detail. For now, you can get started by simply learning to pay attention to the thoughts that percolate in your head, specifically those ideas that diminish you (e.g., “I’m a loser,” “I’m stupid,” etc) and those that encourage acts of violence and neglect.
Moment of reflection. Write down two headings in your Healing and Connection (HC) Journal, one that says Diminishing Ideas and the other that says Enabling Ideas.
Under the Diminishing Ideas page, reflect and write thoughts that you have that diminish you. Are you a “loser” sometimes. Do you tell yourself “I deserve bad things.” Do you minimize or even ignore your positive achievements? Do you say things like “I’m no good at this,” or “I cannot do anything right?” If you are not sure, ask a partner or friend.
Under the Enabling Ideas heading, write down the ideas in your mind that justify the abuse and harm of others. Do you feel that sometimes people deserve to be hurt? Do you invoke notions of evil or even weakness to justify putting another down? What do you tell yourself when you are spanking your children, if you have them.
We opened this chapter with the question, “why healing?” At this point, the answer to the question should be clear. Toxic socialization damages the physical unit. This damage undermines our health and well-being and disconnects us. If you want to be healthy, happy, and whole, you have to heal any damage incurred.
So, what’s next?
At this point, you have a choice to make. You can dismiss what we have said so far and go back to your day-to-day normal existence, or you can accept what we have said and resolve that it is time to move forward and do something to create environments that are more conducive to your health and full connection. If you do decide to go back to your normal life, we bid you fond adieu. If you do decide to move forward, there will be some immediate challenges.
Challenge number one will be a challenge to acknowledge and accept how bad the toxicity and the damage really is. There is no sense in sugar-coating this. You are damaged and disconnected by the violence, neglect, chaos, and ideology of the Toxic Socialization you have experienced. This damage is so bad that you have become disconnected from your own Highest Self to the point where the most connection you can get, if you’re lucky, is an occasional “peak experience” or transcendent event. That might seem like a blessing to some, but humans are capable of much more than that. “Mystical experiences,” peak experiences, or whatever you want to call these brief slivers of bliss that people have, are the only things possible in a broken down and oppressed physical unit. They indicate the possibility of connection, true; but they also indicate the severity of the damage. To put it into proper perspective, a healthy and fully connected physical unit would experience these peaks almost full-time. Damaged humans are capable of achieving and handling only brief connection without frying their proverbial brain circuits.
Of course, reading these words for the first time, you may not want to admit that you are damaged and completely disconnected from your own Highest Self in such a profound way. Nevertheless, the truth is, we have all been damaged by toxic socialization to one extent or another and we all must admit that damage before we can begin to move forward towards healing and reconnection. If you want to pretend you are something you are not, that is fine. Just do not expect to get any farther down the path than where you currently stand.
If you do admit that there is profound spiritual damage and that as a result you have to heal and reconnect, the second challenge will be dealing with the social/societal resistance and push back that you will receive when you begin to move forward. Until things have shifted a bit more on this Earth, when you choose to move forward, you are likely to get push back, from family, friends, and so on. This push back, which is motivated by a deep fear of being “left behind” or left out, will manifest in both subtle and painfully overt ways. In some cases, violent suppression may even be the result.
If you do experience resistance, and if your relationships are not so toxic that you cannot talk about it, talk about it. Explain you are just exploring and reassure your primary and secondary attachments. If “no discussion is allowed,” or if there is violence and aggression, avoid it if you can and, if you cannot, consider ending the relationship. It does not matter how strong you think you are; toxic environments do serious damage and will prevent you from healing and connecting. The logic is pretty simple. You cannot heal your wounds and reconnect if you insist on swimming in toxic sludge.
If you manage to get past the challenge of accepting there is damage, and the challenge of standing up and moving forward even against social/familial push back, challenge number three is the challenge of doing the work to heal and reconnect. We won’t lie to you. The work of healing and reconnection, we’ll just call it The Work[wiki]19 from here on out, is difficult, challenging, and complicated. To help with this challenging process, the LP offers guidance and instruction on both healing and connection. The guidance and instruction is designed to help you think about, understand, process, and ground (insight) so that you can move forward towards healing and reconnection.
As regards healing, the LP offers the LP HEALING framework. The HEALING framework, which we will discuss in the rest of this book, offers you a road map to help you understand and navigate your healing journey.
As regards connection, the LP offers you the LP Connection Framework. The LP Connection Framework will help you organize your thinking and your connection practice. We won’t talk about connection much in this workbook. When you are ready to explore connection in more detail, move on to LP Workbook Three: Connection.
In the rest of this book, we look at the LP Healing Framework. At this point, the questions before us are, “What is the LP Healing Framework?” and “How can it help?” The answer to both questions is simple. The LP HEALING Framework is a set of seven focus-points that you must pay attention to, consider, and work through in order to move forward with your healing process. The seven focus points are outlined by the acronym HEALING:
H = Help
E = Environment
A = Addictions
L = Lies
I = Ideologies
N = Needs
G = Growth
Each focus-point in the LP HEALING framework is a guide to those issues that we all must work through on our healing journey. Each of these steps are interdependent, necessary, and will require critical thought, personal examination, and, most importantly, action. To use these focus-points, simply select a unit and read.
It is important to keep in mind, the healing journey before you is not a linear process. It is iterative and cyclical. If you are serious about healing the damage, expect to read each unit more than once. As you take steps down the path, as you heal, grow, and reconnect, you will find new information, new meaning, and deeper understanding.
Before you get started on your healing, there are a few things we need to say, by way of orientation, about the LP Healing framework.
Number one, you need to know that the LP HEALING Framework is a framework, a road map, and not a therapy. The LP does not tell you what strategies or healing modalities you should use to heal and connect (though it may recommend stuff at times). Instead, the LP HEALING Framework gives you advice on the things that you (and your therapist/healer) need to pay attention to and focus on as you travel along the path.
Number two, you need to know that the LP HEALING Framework is not a linear road map. It can be if that is appropriate for you, but it can also be a “pick and choose,” wind your way through the forest, sort of affair. If you are new to all this, you might want to start with the “H” and the “E” by getting help and detoxifying your environments. On the other hand, if you have had some treatment, therapy, or other kinds of support in the past, you might start where you feel makes the most sense, for e.g., addressing the abuse in your intimate partner relationship, or getting your addiction(s) under control. To decide where to start, read through the book at least once, and then decide where you need to focus more.
If you feel you need guidance on where to start, the LP offers a HEALING MAP (Mindful Action Plan). A HEALING MAP is a questionnaire you fill out to help you examine your own life situation. The HEALING MAP is free to download and fill out. If you like, you can purchase a guided analysis with a trained LP Connection Coach. The guided analysis gives you advice on what aspects of your life you need to focus on first, second, third, and so on. For more information, to purchase a Healing MAP, or simply to download the MAP form, visit the link below.
Number three, moving forward, you need to understand, the LP requires discipline and focus. In LP Workbook One, we spoke about the importance of “staying the course,” meaning if you want to successfully move forward and connect, you must stay committed to the Work even when you are tired, doubtful, and unsure. It is going to be a challenge. Understand, healing and connection involves a lot more than a trip or two to the therapist, a singing bowl, and a glass of wine with some friends. Healing and re-connection are a lot of work. To get through it, consistent daily effort (i.e. discipline) is the key. To be sure, you do not have to saturate your life with “healing, healing, healing,” but you must do a little bit every day. The LP HEALING Framework is helpful in this regard because it helps you stay focused and disciplined on the tasks at hand. Work a little bit on some things in the framework every day in whatever stage of development you are in, and you will make consistent progress forward.
Number four, if you want to move forward, you need to be accountable, you need to take responsibility, and you need to change. We cannot overemphasize how important responsibility, accountability, and change are if you want to truly heal and connect. Recognize where all the toxicity is in your life, be accountable for your part in it, change your behaviours so you are no longer contributing to the toxicity and damage, and create/find more nurturing and supportive environments. No complacency. No projection of your issues onto others. No scapegoating others for things you are responsible for. No excuses whatsoever. If you want to move forward, take responsibility, be accountable, and change. It will hurt at first, especially if you have a lot to answer for, but like poking a festering boil, in the long run, you will be happy and relieved that you did.
You can use the following [wiki]SAAR Affirmation to help encourage accountability in your life. SAAR stands for see, accept, be accountable, and take responsibility
Today I will see the toxicity that surrounds me,
Today I will accept that it is unhealthy and disconnecting.
Today I will be accountable for my toxic actions.
Today I will take responsibility for the bad things I can change.
To summarize, in order to make progress on the LP, understand that the LP is a non-linear road map to guide your healing process. To get the most out of it, stay disciplined, remain focused, be accountable for your part in the toxicities and damage, and change your behaviour.
To be sure, seeing and accepting the truth, being accountable and taking responsibility, are big challenges. One of the things that will help you navigate this challenge is simple self-acceptance. Moving forward, simply accept who you are, what you have done, and what you have been through, without judgment or shame. There is no sense in getting uptight about the things you have done while damaged and disconnected, no matter how bad they are. Just take a deep breath here and let go. Understand, there is no shame in being damaged by toxic socialization. There is no shame in being hurt, angry, or sad. There is no shame in being angry and hateful There is no shame in struggling with addictions. There is no shame in making mistakes. There is no shame in repeatedly falling down. There is no shame so long as you wake up and change. It is not a question of good or evil. It is not a question of judgment or accountability. It is simply a question of seeing the toxicity and damage so you can heal[wiki/] and [wiki]reconnect. There is no fuss “at the gate,” so to speak, and certainly no test that you must pass. All you must do is see the truth, accept that things are not perfect, be accountable for your part in the toxicity, take responsibility for the things that are yours, and commit to ending the nonsense so we can all heal and reconnect.20 That is all there is to it, and it all starts with simple self-acceptance.
As a final note, we’d like to reiterate, healing and connection require time, effort, and copious personal reflection. You cannot just pick up a singing bowl or pray in a pew on Sunday and think you have done your work. You must spend time thinking and processing in a mindful and consistent manner so that you can understand, process, transform, and dismiss. How you do that does not matter, so long as you do it. Gina and I do this reflection when we write, and when we walk and talk in nature. Others might do it by painting, writing songs and poems, or making videos and films. Still, others might journal in HC Journal, as noted earlier. Chronicling your thoughts and feelings in a personal HC journal will not only help you record, analyze, process, and take necessary action, it will also make it easier for you to get help when and if you need it because you will have a record of your mental/emotional processes that you can share with a trusted and competent therapist/healer.
And that is all we have to say in this unit. To recap what we have learned so far, in LP Workbook One21 we learned that the body is a vessel for Consciousness and that proper human development involves filling the body with higher Consciousness. Also in Workbook One, we learned that filling the vessel requires us to “make a connection.” When we make a connection, Consciousness begins to flow into the body.
In this workbook, Workbook Two, we learn that the body is damaged by a toxic socialization process and that this damage makes it hard for the body to contain higher Consciousness. To put it simply, toxic socialization creates holes in the glass through which the water of higher Consciousness flows out. Once we recognize the need to fix the holes so that Consciousness does not pour out of the glass as the basic human problem we all face, the work of healing the damage so we can all reconnect begins.
At this moment, we are done our introductory work and it is now time to begin the healing and reconnection process. We will start, in the next unit with the first focus point in the LP HEALING Framework, getting help. Before we get to that, however, here are some study questions that you can look over to help you get started on the process. These questions invite you to take an honest look at the toxicity in your life. This honest look is a necessary first step to navigating a successful healing process.
2Mike Sosteric, “Toxic Socialization” 2016, https://www.academia.edu/25275338/Toxic_Socialization.
4Sosteric, “Toxic Socialization.”
5 Obviously, meeting all the essential needs requires a massive input of time and energy far greater than any single person or intimate duo (or trio, or whatever) could every possibly achieve. Thus, the wisdom in the old-timey saying “It takes a village to raise a child…” In fact, however, it goes deeper than this. It takes more than a village. It takes a family, community, society, and indeed the entire planet to properly raise a child.
If, at this point, you are also thinking that Earth civilizations are a long way away from full satisfaction of human needs, you are correct. As a species, we still have a lot of work left to do. Note however that it is not that we cannot do it. At this time we have the technical, political, social, and even economic capabilities to meet the full needs of all human beings on Earth. We have enough food to feed everybody. We have the technology to house and protect the entire planet. We have the economic, political, and distributive prowess to make sure it all gets distributed fairly. We have had this capacity to fulfill the needs of the planet for decades. Because we are also approaching an “automation revolution”, meeting the needs of humans with all our talents and skills should make prioritizing human needs even easier. The problem is not evolutionary development of the human species. The problem is that the System currently in place is designed to enrich a “chosen” few at the expense of the many. We can do it, but we are just going to have to replace The System.
For details on The System, read Rocket Scientists Guide to Money and the Economy.
You can find out more about our current economic system and why it is incompatible with the satisfaction of our human needs by reading Rocket Scientists’ Guide to Money and the Economy. https://press.lightningpath.org/product/rocket-scientists-guide-money-economy/.
6Anne Martin, Rachel Razza, and Jeanne Brooks-Gunn, “Specifying the Links Between Household Chaos and Preschool Children’s Development,” Early Child Development and Care 182, no. 10 (2012): 1247–63, doi:10.1080/03004430.2011.605522.
8Kim T. Ferguson et al., “The Physical Environment and Child Development: An International Review,” International Journal of Psychology 48, no. 4 (2013): 437–68, doi:10.1080/00207594.2013.804190.
9Gary W. Evans, Lorraine E. Maxwell, and Betty Hart, “Parental Language and Verbal Responsiveness to Children in Crowded Homes,” Developmental Psychology, no. 4 (1999): 1020.
10Sara R. Jaffee et al., “Chaotic Homes and Children’s Disruptive Behavior: A Longitudinal Cross-Lagged Twin Study,” Psychological Science 23, no. 6 (2012): 643–50, doi:10.1177/0956797611431693.
11Gary W. Evans, “Child Development and the Physical Environment,” Annual Review of Psychology 57, no. 1 (January 1, 2006): 423–51, doi:10.1146/annurev.psych.57.102904.190057.
12Rebekah Levine Coley, Alicia Doyle Lynch, and Melissa Kull, “Early Exposure to Environmental Chaos and Children’s Physical and Mental Health,” Early Childhood Research Quarterly 32 (July 1, 2015): 94–104, doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ecresq.2015.03.001.
13Corinne Rees, “Childhood Attachment,” The British Journal of General Practice: The Journal of the Royal College of General Practitioners 57, no. 544 (2007): 920–22, doi:10.3399/096016407782317955.
15V. J. Felitti, “[The relationship of adverse childhood experiences to adult health: Turning gold into lead],” Z Psychosom Med Psychother 48, no. 4 (2002): 359–69.
16Rees, “Childhood Attachment.” Emphasis added.
17 If you are struggling with what we are suggesting, perhaps think of your attachment experiences to your pet, your hobby, or your passions, and reflect on all the vested energies you justify and do to commit and maintain that attachment. Now think about how you were raised, or how you justified your own parenting compared to the ways in how you invest in the “other” stuff you choose to do. If you are being honest with yourself, you will see that in order to commit, to master, to learn, and to grow, your attachment to whatever or whoever will determine what your authentic experiences will be. It is the same for our children.
18Mike Sosteric, Rocket Scientists’ Guide to Money and the Economy: Accumulation and Debt. (St Albert, Alberta: Lightning Path Press., 2016).
20 If you are a therapist, no shame and no judgment applies to you and your practice as well. Do not shame and judge a person damaged by toxic socialization. Instead, accept that it has been a struggle for them and help them on their healing journey. If you’re a therapist that judges and shames those who come for your help, stop. If you cannot stop, find another profession.
Also note, acceptance and no-judgment should not be used as an excuse to enable. You do not judge/shame a person who has self-medicated themselves into addiction, but neither do you enable toxicity or accept the addiction as is. You help them clean up their environment. You help them heal. You help them free themselves of addiction.